I recently sat down with a client who was frustrated with herself.

She knew what she wanted to say to a colleague at work. She had feedback she wanted to give and real thoughts she hadn’t shared. But when they were together, she held back.

Afterward, she kept trying to figure out how she should have said it.

Have you ever left a conversation and immediately started having the real one in your head?

You know the point you wanted to make. You may even find the words on the drive home or later that night. But now you’re wondering whether to bring it up again, and how to do that without making things awkward.

That’s a difficult place to be when you have to keep working with the person. You care about being honest, and you care about the relationship.

Sometimes finding your voice means making enough room for both.

🔑 Small Shift: Energy Reframe

If there’s a conversation you keep rehearsing, open a note and answer the following questions.

Try this:

• What do I really want to say?
• What do I need this person to understand?
• What do I hope can change after we talk?

Write for yourself first. Once you can see your point clearly, try saying it aloud. Keep working with the words until they sound like something you could actually say to the person.

💡 Insight: "Knowing what you want to say and knowing how to begin are two different things."

📝 From the Work

What stayed with me from my client’s frustration was that she did know what she thought. She was trying to work out how to share it with someone she had an ongoing relationship with.

When someone brings me a conversation they can’t seem to start, I listen for:

1. The point they keep returning to as they tell me what happened
2. What they want the other person to understand
3. What they hope will be different after the conversation

❓Question for you

Is there a conversation you’ve already had a dozen times in your head? What’s the one thing you most want the other person to understand?

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PS: If there’s an important conversation you’ve been putting off because you can’t quite find the words, this is the kind of work I help people do. Reply to this email and tell me what you’re working through.

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